Flowers in California

Flowers in California

Monday, April 12, 2010

Weekday at home in the Suburbs

It's not a dark and stormy evening but it's a grey and drizzly afternoon here. That seems about as bad.

I don't know that I've written any blogs entries in the afternoon. Today, this is the perfect time to do it as what I'm writing about, I'm experiencing right now. Let me explain.

I have been home from work downtown since I left one Friday afternoon and didn't know that I'd have my baby 2 months early the next Friday afternoon. That was 9 1/2 years ago tomorrow. Wow. Since then I've worked for over a year in a preschool. I loved the kids but wasn't challenged. I thought I'd leave and easily find a new job. Quickly the job market changed and jobs disappeared. Here I am. I'm waiting for a turnaround and taking courses. And writing in a blog.

You see, despite the fact that I think it was wonderful to be with my son during his early years and I wouldn't trade it at all, I don't enjoy being at home during the day here. I hate it. It hates me. I developed anxiety beyond any I'd had before (although that's a lot better now). I don't excel domestically, I'm not intellectually challenged and except for getting together with friends and spending time on the computer, I don't know how much I enjoy at all.

Some people love this role. And that is great. People have many different talents and interests and some do very well at home. I don't.

I went to the mall and grocery store today and as I came to my street, I noticed the almost complete lack of movement on it, again. It's just so still and numbing.

I have had occasion recently to be in a trendy part of the city that is closer to downtown. There are people walking, interesting stores, restaurants, old buildings, traffic, life. I love it down there. It seems to love me back and make me feel alive.

I have to get out there, somehow. I am going to get out there. I will have to work around my son's schedule as he is my number one priority. But I'm a priority too and I need to thrive again.



  1. Yes you will. You'll get back out there, and now is the perfect time to be honing your skills for the job market. I bet you'll find something really unique and cool to do too!

  2. Thank you, Kim! I would love to find something really unique and cool.

  3. Joanne, WOW! you write beautifully and what you are describing I as well have felt. You will get back and the skills you are learning will give a great boost back into the workforce. I am confident that the right position will come along that fits with your schedule with your son.

  4. Oh, thank you Audrey!! That's so nice. Thank you for the boost of confidence about employment. I'm glad I moved over to sit with you last week. It's so nice getting to know you.

  5. this is a test. it is only a test.

    last time I tried to comment on a blog, it was to no avail. I will save my words of wisdom (ha, ha) for a time when I know it will work.