It's not a dark and stormy evening but it's a grey and drizzly afternoon here. That seems about as bad.
I don't know that I've written any blogs entries in the afternoon. Today, this is the perfect time to do it as what I'm writing about, I'm experiencing right now. Let me explain.
I have been home from work downtown since I left one Friday afternoon and didn't know that I'd have my baby 2 months early the next Friday afternoon. That was 9 1/2 years ago tomorrow. Wow. Since then I've worked for over a year in a preschool. I loved the kids but wasn't challenged. I thought I'd leave and easily find a new job. Quickly the job market changed and jobs disappeared. Here I am. I'm waiting for a turnaround and taking courses. And writing in a blog.
You see, despite the fact that I think it was wonderful to be with my son during his early years and I wouldn't trade it at all, I don't enjoy being at home during the day here. I hate it. It hates me. I developed anxiety beyond any I'd had before (although that's a lot better now). I don't excel domestically, I'm not intellectually challenged and except for getting together with friends and spending time on the computer, I don't know how much I enjoy at all.
Some people love this role. And that is great. People have many different talents and interests and some do very well at home. I don't.
I went to the mall and grocery store today and as I came to my street, I noticed the almost complete lack of movement on it, again. It's just so still and numbing.
I have had occasion recently to be in a trendy part of the city that is closer to downtown. There are people walking, interesting stores, restaurants, old buildings, traffic, life. I love it down there. It seems to love me back and make me feel alive.
I have to get out there, somehow. I am going to get out there. I will have to work around my son's schedule as he is my number one priority. But I'm a priority too and I need to thrive again.