Flowers in California

Flowers in California

Saturday, April 30, 2011

Avenues in Life

As a new day starts, there is so much possibility.  What will each of us do today?  What do we hope for today?  Are we sad, happy, afraid, ambitious, resigned, or just going about our lives?

I have very little routine in my life.  Some would suggest that I accomplish very little and a routine would help.  Perhaps that is true in some ways.  I live more in the world of possibilities though and I try to find and reach for them as I go along.  I'll miss some and hit some and try to enjoy the process.

While routines can help us get things done by providing a framework for living, I would never want to be tied to rigidity and be closed to the newness of each day.  There are so many avenues to go down or at least look down in life.  By sticking to routines, we might miss them.  I think life will be richer if we don't.


Friday, April 29, 2011

Good Enough

It used to be self-help books.  I acquired them en masse with the hope that they would help me, improve me, change my life.  I thought they contained things I needed to know.

More recently, I have been acquiring quotes.  I like words, of course, but that's not the whole reason.  I also feel a need to capture quotes for fear that if I don't, I'll be missing something.

While my quote phase isn't over, it has been joined by a search for tips on writing.  I feel a need to capture and save these too.  And, I have a tendency to look up more classes, workshops and retreats for writing.

As technology and my pursuits have evolved, I have acquired fewer physical items.  Quotes and writing advice and classes don't take up as much room and create as much clutter as self-help books.  That's good.  I don't think the meaning behind these pursuits has changed though - I am still looking for ways to improve.  While growing and learning are good, I find my pursuit of others' input overwhelming, somewhat tiring and kind of discouraging.  Isn't my inner wisdom enough?  Isn't that what led me to writing in the first place?  No one told me to do that.  I didn't need a quote on the wall.  And I don't need to go through a list of tips to write.  But somehow, now that I like writing, I am on the hunt for how to do it better .  And it's not helping my writing or how I feel about it.  Just like few of the many, many self-help books I bought helped me.  In the end, I found my own way.  I think it is time to trust my own voice.


Monday, April 25, 2011

Strengths? Me? Really? Huh

I think it may be time for me to take myself a little more seriously and to say nicer things to myself.  I seem to have taken belittling myself too far.  I want to believe there are good things about me.  I have a plaque on a wall which includes the phrase "Own your talent."  Whatever my talents are, I don't think I should laugh them off.

One quality of mine worth appreciating is my decorating taste.  I was sitting at my dining room table today facing a very chatty man who was there to give an estimate on painting the outside of our house.  As I sat, fighting off death, I noticed that I really like the decorations, sideboard and wall colour in the dining room.  I felt like someone else must have chosen it all as it looked so good.  It was me though and I guess I have some success in that area.

It is hard for me to leave the above paragraph in.  I will try.  I will also try to focus on good things I can find about myself and thus know what qualities I can use and share in the world.

I guess another strength is surviving hour and a half paint estimating sessions with chatty people.  The guy was nice but I suffered.  That's one strength I hope I don't have to use again anytime soon.


Saturday, April 23, 2011

The Woman Who Goes to the Mall

It's not that I didn't earn the comment.  I did.  It's not that I hold it against my mother-in-law for making the comment.  She's allowed.  But when my mother-in-law commented, while talking about a  neighbourhood in the city which is close to a mall, that I would like it for that reason, it stung.  Is going to the mall all that people think I do in life and, worse, are they right?

I live close to a mall now and I have spent a lot of time at it.  I admit it.  I hate to think though that I have not accomplished a great deal more in my adult life.  But I don't have a lot of other claims to fame.  And despite all the wonderful ideas I come up with, if I don't carry them out, they don't make  much difference.

Spending as much time as I have with my son has been very worthwhile and I think that he has benefitted from it.  He has spent a lot of time out of the house over the past 6 years though and I have spent a lot of time doing, well, things.  I have no regrets over any time spent with friends but I do regret lost time over the last few years.  I can do more.

I want to do more than go to the mall.  I want people to know that I can do more than go to the mall.  I think it's time for us to break up.  And try to still be friends.  And with this relationship, I think that will work.


Thursday, April 21, 2011

Shortage of Supply

I may be out of things to say.  I hope that it's a temporary shortage but I can't be sure.  Maybe some great revelations are bubbling up under the surface and soon they will appear.  Again, I can't be sure.

It's strange with writing.  As much as a person wants to write, and enjoys writing (and I really do), there has to be something to say, an idea, a seed.  Sometimes those find their way to us, sometimes they don't.

I heard a teenage boy on the bus yesterday talking about his drumming.  He hadn't drummed much this year and he figured other musicians were better than him.  They might be, for now at least.  I hope that he doesn't give up though.  I hope that if wants to drum, if he loves drumming, he practises and gets better at his craft.  If he wants to drum, he should.  There's a reason.  There has to be.

With writing, practise helps too, they say.  I just hope I get a new shipment of things to say.  And soon.


Monday, April 18, 2011

What is Worthwhile?

I just finished removing quite a few books from my Indigo wish list.  When I hear about a book that I might want to read at some time, I often place it on my Indigo wish list.  That way, I don't have to remember all the names and I can carefully consider whether I want a book.

I am glad that I removed several books tonight.  I want to read.  I love reading and I do read.  But I don't have to read every book that sounds remotely interesting.  While books add value to my life in many ways, they can also be another way to distract me from listening to myself and mining my wisdom.  I don't believe that our minds have to be busy with other people's thoughts all the time.  We can look and listen within.  We all have things of value to contribute.

There are so many things to distract us and so many that may waste our time.  Some things are worthwhile through the relaxation and pleasure they bring us.  Others keep us from growing and becoming who we should be and are not worth our time.  I don't know what I or anyone else should be doing all the time.  But I do want to use my time postively.

It's difficult to know what the correct choices are for time usage.  I don't believe that time spent with people, caring and laughing and talking (and drinking coffee) is wasted.  I don't believe that listening to a child's concerns and take on the world is wasted.  I don't believe that caring for a pet is wasted.  I don't believe that reading enriching items, learning, writing, thinking are wasted either.  It may be when we won't stop looking for something to do or read or watch or listen to and won't sit still with our soul, that we are getting off the path we should be following.

I am no expert on time usage.  Not at all.   My list of Internet bookmarks shows that.  But I am aware that I don't have to keep busy and avoid listening to the wonders of my own soul.  Assuming it has wonders.  I'll have to take the time to check.


Sunday, April 17, 2011

The Source

From where do the words come that I write?  What about thoughts, the sometimes funny things we say, the music some people write?  What is the source?  Is it God?  How can we know?

I took a writing seminar a while ago and I learned to get into a receptive state before beginning to write.  I think it helps.  Perhaps we need to quiet the noise to gain access to that which is within.

We can be distracted by so much stimuli.  It's not just electronic devices or other people, it can be our minds which get busy with so many things.

For me, it seems very important to quiet the noise once in a while.  Then I am calm and, I believe, better able to write from truth.

In life beyond writing, too, it seems important to calm down and access what is within.  I think there's much we will hear that is of value and brings us peace.


Tuesday, April 12, 2011


I write the songs.  Barry Manilow sang that.  I would assume he wrote it or it wouldn't make so much sense.

I don't write the songs.

I listen to some songs.  I have to really like music or it doesn't click.  It has to resonate me with me emotionally, within.

Reaching other people.  Wow.  My blog does that a little.

How do we connect to the parts in people that need, that crave connection?  Can I do it by writing, listening, bringing things out of from people?  I hope that I am learning my role.  I think it is important.  It is still fuzzy but I hope it is clearing, coming into focus.  In this world we need people connecting.  We always have, we do, we will.  We need to be honest with ourselves for what we need, who we are, how we hurt, how we can live to heal.  It is my duty to connect.  It is my duty to help others connect with themselves.  Yeah and yay!

I wrote this piece in a new way.  I closed my eyes and typed whatever vague things came to mind.  There was very little if any punctuation.  It is still more a delivery of words that came to me than a piece I tried to write.

Anyways, I like to connect with people and I like people to connect with themselves.  I think it's vital.  I think I may have a role in helping people do that.  I want to help uncover who all of us really are.


Saturday, April 9, 2011

Dinner's On

It's time.

It's time for me to start preparing healthy meals for me and my family.  I can't make up for the past but I can change the future.  I have tasted excellent, healthy food and I am going to start prepare excellent, healthy food.  It's not cute anymore that I'm a bad cook.  I don't have to be a bad cook.  I bought a very interesting healthy family cook book by Rose Reisman today.  I will look through more of it and prepare my grocery list and I will plan meals too.  I was inspired by eating in Glow restaurant (Rose Reisman has a lot to do with that restaurant and she was there when we ate there) and by eating a truly awesome meal prepared by my truly awesome friend, Paulette.

I have come to the realization that food is extremely important.  Of course it is.  It is us.  It matters what we eat, it matters what we feed to children, it matters for the future of the world that people are properly nourished and thus able to better carry out their purposes in life.  How did I miss this for so long?

It starts today, not next week.  It starts today and I look forward to my first tasty and healthy meal.  It is time and I can't wait until it is dinnertime.


Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Random Stuff from my Mind

Let's see if I can come up with some material this evening.

I have a nice coffee here.  It would probably be a nicer coffee if I was sitting across a table from a friend, deep in conversation, but it's still a nice coffee.  I am chewing on a carrot now too.  I love carrots.  Maybe we can learn a lot in life from the simple carrot.

I got up and put a load of laundry in.  It's amazing how when I sit down to write, things like that suddenly seem urgent.  It will be good for my son to have clothes though.  It's best for school.

I completed my husband's personal income taxes last night.  My Commerce degree really comes back to bite me at times - I can't even pretend that I'm unable to do simple taxes.  But still I put it off and occasionally complain.  I should do mine (which are even simpler) too but I'll let the documents settle a little longer.

As it's light out and 8:00, I have reason to believe that gardening season will soon be here.  I want to create a stunning display this year.  I've had successful years and bad ones.  Last year was not my finest.  I can't wait to see flowers outside again.  I don't live on the most floral street but there are a few houses that do it well.

My concern for animals has been heating up lately.  I've always cared about animals and I love my rescued bunny but I hadn't been giving too much thought to animals in shelters and animal cruelty.  It's hard to think about those things but I guess we have to think about them if we are to make a difference.  I feel a need to get involved with the Humane Society again.

Those are some of the things bouncing around in my head.  I feel pretty hopeful and energetic.  I guess vacations help with that.  I think I'll tidy up my kitchen and then let my bunny hop around the basement.  And I won't disturb my tax stuff right now.  Why get it all riled up before bedtime?