A Conversation Overheard

I was on a bus today and a woman entered and began talking, loudly, on her phone.  Initially I felt, as many people would feel, hostility towards her.  What made her feel it was ok to impose her words on our ears?  Was she oblivious to the people around her or did she simply not care?

As I listened to her words, however, my thoughts changed.  I learned a little about this woman's life.  Her current retail job situation was not good and she was going to start seeking other retail job openings.  She had a man in her life and he had been mad at her about something.  Other than this and his beer drinking and purchasing habits, I didn't learn a lot about him.  All in all though, I got the impression that this woman's life is not easy and that her options may be limited.

It would have been easy to judge this woman based only on her cell phone talking habits.  There is so much more to her story though and I realize now there is room for compassion.  I'm glad I'm heard her story.  It made me realize that she has one and that it matters, regardless of how loudly she talks on her phone.

JAHD

I Saw Kids Playing

Moments ago, I returned from a baseball game.  It was near my house and my son was there watching some friends of his play.  It was a beautiful night for a walk to the park.

My son is playing baseball this year but is in a younger league.  His team's season has not been good.  Their win-loss record is unfortunate and for various reasons, my husband, son and I are dismayed by how some things are handled.  I try to be positive about it all and focus on how well my son is hitting but I have found the whole thing a bit of a strain.  It hasn't been a fun experience for any of us.

This evening, at this other game, I saw another version of children at play.  It didn't occur on the baseball diamond.  My son and some other kids who were there to watch the game, whether voluntarily or because a sibling was in the game, started playing some version of baseball on their own.  They were throwing, hitting, running and they were having fun.  It wasn't orderly and it was kind of loud but they played as they wanted to and their enthusiasm was real.

I am a big fan of baseball.  After this experience tonight though, I wonder if sometimes we are forcing children to play games in rather strict, somber, adult ways.  The oldest kids playing this impromptu game tonight were 12 or 13.  They're still not very old and yet, on the baseball diamond, we have such high expectations of kids in this age group and expect them to handle their positions so responsibly.  They're kids after all, I realize now.  Maybe we should let them act like kids a little more often.  It was so nice to see them run free.

JAHD

Venturing Out on a Rainy Day

I was out walking in the rain today.  I had a coat on and the rain wasn't much of a bother to me.  I became interested in the plight of one type of creature though and noticed that they were having, as they always do when it rains, much rougher days.

For humans, getting out of our comfort zones is supposed to be a good thing.  We can extend ourselves, grow, take on new challenges.  For worms, it's really not a good idea.  It seems they would be much better off staying in their worm homes, looking out their worm windows should they be lucky enough to have them, and accepting that staying within their usual boundaries is the best choice for them.  We know what happens when they don't do it.  I wish we could communicate the message to them.

Today I saw a robin eating something on the sidewalk.  As I got close, the robin flew away and I realized that it had been eating a still-wiggling worm.  I picked it up on a stick and put it in the grass.  I wanted to help it but doubt I made much of a difference and I may have ruined that robin's lunch.  Soon after, I saw a big worm in the middle of an alley.  One car had gone by and missed it but I don't know that its luck would hold out.  And really, it was in an alley - was there that much to see that it made the perilous journey worthwhile?

Worms that venture out and are not eaten nor involved in unfortunate accidents often do not do well either.  When the sun is shining again, we don't see them out basking in the sun, eating ice cream cones, riding bikes, or coming home with bags full of new purchases from the mall.  Rather, we see sad evidence of how their journeys ended.  It's not pleasant.

Perhaps to worms it's worth it to venture out on rainy days despite the serious problems many of them do encounter.  Maybe they have something to teach us all about taking chances and enjoying ourselves for a period of time, however short.  I don't know but I do think they should think a little harder about their rainy day travel habits.  It might work out well for birds but it often doesn't end up well for them.  I think worms have a lot to consider.

JAHD 

   

It's Too Sad

Sometimes I read something so sad that I don't know how I can forward knowing what I have learned.  It happened a few minutes ago.  I read a story so sad and it had elements in it to which I could relate so closely.  I have said a prayer since; I hope that helps.

I want to find good, hope, the silver lining in stories, in problems, in the challenges that people face.  With some things, though, I don't see how there can be any good and I don't understand why such horrible things have to happen.  I don't understand.

We can love each other, we can care, we can try to help, we can pray, we can push for changes in our own small ways.  There will always be sadness though and people will always hurt.  I wish that life weren't that way.

JAHD

When Coffee Disappoints

My relationship with coffee has not been without problems lately.  It's not that I love it any less but I am tiring of its unpredictability.  I want certainty that I will enjoy a pleasant tasting drink every time I pick up a cup.  On many occasions lately, coffee has failed to provide me with that.  It has been disappointing and I'm not sure how we can resolve the issues we've had.

It is not price that determines whether or not I enjoy a cup of coffee.  Recently I enjoyed a cup from a convenience store; there have been times when I've been disappointed by coffee from some fancier vendors.  It is not that I am consistently pleased or disappointed with one vendor - sometimes I love a cup of Starbucks coffee, sometimes every sip tastes of bitterness and defeat.  We make coffee at home.  Sometimes that coffee is terrible.  But not always.  The coffee that someone brought me from Colombia was very good but I can't really ask her to go back regularly for that (I suppose).

I don't know what the factors are that lead to success or failure with coffee.  It seems so random.  It's a bit of an adventure to discover what tastes good and what doesn't but I'm not seeking adventure when I drink coffee.  I'm seeking one consistent pleasure in my relatively simple little life.  I'm not asking for a lot or not right now anyways.

To me, coffee has one ideal taste.  Every time I pick up a cup, I want to be greeted by it.  I will keep on picking up cups and keep on searching for that taste..  It's uncertain right now if my favourite bean and I can resolve our differences.  I like to think this is an important relationship for both of us.  I hope that we find our way.

JAHD

On Acquaintances and Not Talking

I may be a horrible person.  Before anyone rushes to assure me that this is simply not true (and I do hope that someone would do that), I'll let everyone know I'm okay with it.  If I'm horrible, I'm horrible.  There's no point in fighting it.

What has led me to consider this possibility is my reluctance to converse with people I know a little bit but not much.  We are acquaintances at best and while these people are all friendly, I don't always feel like coming up with something to say to them.  There's the nice bus driver, the woman who always knows my name in that store and various other people with whom I come in contact.  It can be nice to exchange a word or two but when this sets up an expectation for the next encounter, I don't enjoy the obligation.  Sometimes, I have avoided people to prevent conversations from happening.  This is where the horrible stuff starts to emerge.

I love meaningful interaction with people.  I love listening and talking and laughing with people whom I know and who know me.  My acquaintances and I cannot communicate at a meaningful level.  Our talk must be more superficial and it may be an effort for them too.  To me, really, what is the point?  We can smile, we can be polite to each other but it's probably best if none of us makes an effort to talk when there is simply nothing to say.

I think I will try to stop avoiding people and, instead, approach them in a more relaxed, honest manner.  It's ok that conversations don't take place every time acquaintances meet.  I'll try to be comfortable with the fact that I don't always have interesting things to say and that maybe I'm doing everyone a favour.  After all, the bus driver doesn't have the choice of avoiding me when he pulls up to my stop.  He might be glad if I just quietly let him be.

JAHD

Jobs and Qualifications

Upon seeing a sign recently for Experienced Stylists wanted at a hair salon, I thought about what it would be like to apply for this job or any job for which I have almost no qualification.  I have styled my own hair, with mixed success, for a long time but my educational credentials with hair are non-existent and I have zero experience on the salon floor.  What if I applied?

Sticking to the facts, I wouldn't progress far in the selection process.  If I resorted to dishonesty, I still don't think I would be a serious candidate for long.  Things would fall apart when I had to give demonstrations of my work.  There would be a lot of questions.

Taking an honest approach to the application process for jobs, it would be interesting to see the reactions employers would have when one indicates that he or she is wholly unqualified and/or ill-suited for the job for which they have applied.  The following answers should be considered red flags by interviewers for the following positions:

Firefighting - I'm afraid of heights and I don't handle crises well.

Psychologist - I tend to drift off when listening to other people's problems.  And I possess so little empathy it's bordering on pathological.

Chef - Yeah, my cooking's not good and I'm prone to knife injuries.  Also, I wouldn't want to wear the hat.  That's asking a little too much.

Writer - I believe there are so many better ways to express oneself than with the written word.  My preferred medium is macramé.  I think in the end we'll find it's really all about the knots.

Accountant - Wow, I am really not good with numbers.  But I am a people person.  That should help.

Dog Walker - I'm afraid of dogs.  I would let go of every leash in my possession if I encountered a situation I found troubling and, believe me, I find a lot of situations troubling.

Swimming Instructor - I never learned to swim myself but I believe in the concept.  I don't like to immerse myself in water though and I would prefer not to work with children.  I find them small and somewhat needy.

Optometrist - Yes, I'm exceptionally knowledgeable about feet.  They're an amazing part of the body.  Wait, what - eyes?  I hadn't realized.  That'll be a bit different but my knowledge is very transferrable.  Feet and eyes share so many commonalities, after all.

Courier - Well, I think I'd really like driving around in the truck but I don't want to drop off or pick up packages.  Those parts of the job don't appeal to me.  I hope that's not an impediment to my working for your fine organization.

Receptionist - I don't like answering the phone and I feel interruptions are an attack on my personhood.  I do like sitting though so that's a plus.

It's important to find the right person for a job and good to watch out for answers like these ones.  They offer a hint that maybe, just maybe, the applicant wouldn't be a good fit for the job.

JAHD

On Loneliness and Imperfection

If we demanded perfection from our friends, I would be very lonely.  No one who demanded perfection in a person would choose to be with me.  So that right there takes me out of the running.  I'd have to go find hobbies or just be alone.  It wouldn't be good.

If we demanded perfection from our friends, I don't think there'd be many friendships at all.  None of us is perfect.  We know that but sometimes we are bothered by others' perceived imperfections, flaws, the things they do wrong, the things they don't do right.  Sometimes it's easy to want to shut people out, reject them.  I don't think that's right.  It seems sadly wrong.

We need each other, imperfections and all.  In listening, sharing, trying to offer support, sharing a laugh and a smile, we can try to help each other.  We are all trying to muddle through.  It seems nicer to do it together.  It's lonely muddling alone.

JAHD 

Listening to Stories

Momentarily, a friend will tell me a story.  I sit here, a blank canvas, awaiting her words.  Where will her words take me?  What are the pictures they will create?  Will my pictures, my understanding, be like hers?  Can they ever be?  I wonder what she will tell me, I wonder what she will share.

I find it wonderful to be able to connect with another, to share each other's stories, to listen, to try to take in what each of us says, both verbally and in other ways, and to try to understand life is like from the other side of the table, looking around at a different view.  It's an honour to have people share with us.  I thank my friend for sharing.  I treasure that she did.

JAHD

Peaches and Chick Peas

I was out somewhere today and noticed a big cardboard box on the floor.  Curious about what it was, I started looking at the words and decorations that adorned it.  It was a box for food bank donations.  Among the food items suggested for donation were chick peas and canned peaches.  Somehow, in looking at those words, I got it.  I knew how wonderful it would be to receive food when one needs it.  I felt what a need that must satisfy.

Whatever situations people find themselves in, the need to eat doesn't change and can't be put aside until the money comes in.  Sometimes, a can of peaches or chick peas can be so important.  It can relieve one of hunger and provide hope.  When we can do so, it seems that giving food is a nice way to help.  How lucky we are to eat.

JAHD