Flowers in California

Flowers in California

Wednesday, April 24, 2013

Jobs and Qualifications

Upon seeing a sign recently for Experienced Stylists wanted at a hair salon, I thought about what it would be like to apply for this job or any job for which I have almost no qualification.  I have styled my own hair, with mixed success, for a long time but my educational credentials with hair are non-existent and I have zero experience on the salon floor.  What if I applied?

Sticking to the facts, I wouldn't progress far in the selection process.  If I resorted to dishonesty, I still don't think I would be a serious candidate for long.  Things would fall apart when I had to give demonstrations of my work.  There would be a lot of questions.

Taking an honest approach to the application process for jobs, it would be interesting to see the reactions employers would have when one indicates that he or she is wholly unqualified and/or ill-suited for the job for which they have applied.  The following answers should be considered red flags by interviewers for the following positions:

Firefighting - I'm afraid of heights and I don't handle crises well.

Psychologist - I tend to drift off when listening to other people's problems.  And I possess so little empathy it's bordering on pathological.

Chef - Yeah, my cooking's not good and I'm prone to knife injuries.  Also, I wouldn't want to wear the hat.  That's asking a little too much.

Writer - I believe there are so many better ways to express oneself than with the written word.  My preferred medium is macramé.  I think in the end we'll find it's really all about the knots.

Accountant - Wow, I am really not good with numbers.  But I am a people person.  That should help.

Dog Walker - I'm afraid of dogs.  I would let go of every leash in my possession if I encountered a situation I found troubling and, believe me, I find a lot of situations troubling.

Swimming Instructor - I never learned to swim myself but I believe in the concept.  I don't like to immerse myself in water though and I would prefer not to work with children.  I find them small and somewhat needy.

Optometrist - Yes, I'm exceptionally knowledgeable about feet.  They're an amazing part of the body.  Wait, what - eyes?  I hadn't realized.  That'll be a bit different but my knowledge is very transferrable.  Feet and eyes share so many commonalities, after all.

Courier - Well, I think I'd really like driving around in the truck but I don't want to drop off or pick up packages.  Those parts of the job don't appeal to me.  I hope that's not an impediment to my working for your fine organization.

Receptionist - I don't like answering the phone and I feel interruptions are an attack on my personhood.  I do like sitting though so that's a plus.

It's important to find the right person for a job and good to watch out for answers like these ones.  They offer a hint that maybe, just maybe, the applicant wouldn't be a good fit for the job.


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