I baked. I haven't done much baking for a while. I still know how. I still make a mess. I make a big, honest mess.
Whatever good baking does, I don't know. Most of what I bake is very fattening. It's tasty though. And it connects me to women in my family who came before me.
When I think about it, the connection to my female ancestors may be what attracts me to baking. They didn't have the easiest lives and may not have been as happy as I would like them to have been. I hope that baking was something they enjoyed.
I have many more opportunities than these women had. I may feel guilty about that. When I bake, I share an experience with them and am on a lot more common ground. I like standing there with them for a while.
I will try to remember to look at baking as a way to honour these past relatives of mine.
I am not them, however, and I want to believe, I hope I'm starting to believe, that it's o.k. to grasp at things, reach for things, and achieve things that they never could.
I am getting hungry for a lot more than baked goods. I am getting hungry for life.