I have a job. I had not worked in an office for over 11 years until about 9:30 this morning when I started my part-time job. I was supposed to be there at 10. I didn't want to risk being late.
The job is largely a return to accounting. While I love writing and insist that it always be a part of my lfie, this job is fun too, it seems. It will also provide a little money. That's good too. That's very good.
Today while at work, I noticed a transport truck go by on the street. It's that type of area - it's industrial, there will be other transport trucks. It was good to see that truck go by. It was a sign of activity. There was more traffic on the street later in the day too. I felt a part of something again. It was nice.
It has been a gift to spend as much time as I have with my son over the past 11 years. I do not regret that. He has been in school for a long time now though. And I have been home alone in a quiet house on a quiet street. I have enjoyed interaction with wonderful friends but a lot of that is over now, during the weekdays, as they have re-entered the workforce. Too often, I was on my own. I would look out the window and see the stillness, the sameness. If movement caught my eye, it might be the couple that walks down the street every day. Or a squirrel. Or a postal or courier delivery truck. None of it was energizing. None of it made me happy or motivated to do very much.
I came to realize my need for energy when I noticed that when my husband and son were home, I accomplished more. It seemed that if other people were around, if there was life nearby, I would do things. No matter how much time I had available during the day, I wouldn't get a lot done. It wasn't right for me to be here.
In going back to work, I am part of something again. I am contributing towards the activities of a company and I am part of the economy. I think that I will have lots of time to do what I want outside of my part-time hours. It seems to feel good to be employed again.
I guess it's ok in life, and perhaps good, to try on a few different roles and experiment with different situations until we find what's right for us. Others don't necessarily know what that will be; we don't know until we try and perhaps fail at some options. I'm willing to admit I failed at staying home and being productive. And I'm very glad that I found an opportunity to try something different and see big trucks go by. The squirrels and I are tired of each other.