Flowers in California

Flowers in California

Monday, January 16, 2012

A Truck Went By

I have a job.  I had not worked in an office for over 11 years until about 9:30 this morning when I started my part-time job.  I was supposed to be there at 10.  I didn't want to risk being late.

The job is largely a return to accounting.  While I love writing and insist that it always be a part of my lfie, this job is fun too, it seems.  It will also provide a little money.  That's good too.  That's very good.

Today while at work, I noticed a transport truck go by on the street.  It's that type of area - it's industrial, there will be other transport trucks.  It was good to see that truck go by.  It was a sign of activity.  There was more traffic on the street later in the day too.  I felt a part of something again.  It was nice.

It has been a gift to spend as much time as I have with my son over the past 11 years.  I do not regret that.  He has been in school for a long time now though.  And I have been home alone in a quiet house on a quiet street.  I have enjoyed interaction with wonderful friends but a lot of that is over now, during the weekdays, as they have re-entered the workforce.  Too often, I was on my own.  I would look out the window and see the stillness, the sameness.  If movement caught my eye, it might be the couple that walks down the street every day.  Or a squirrel.  Or a postal or courier delivery truck.  None of it was energizing.  None of it made me happy or motivated to do very much.

I came to realize my need for energy when I noticed that when my husband and son were home, I accomplished more.  It seemed that if other people were around, if there was life nearby, I would do things.  No matter how much time I had available during the day, I wouldn't get a lot done.  It wasn't right for me to be here.

In going back to work, I am part of something again.  I am contributing towards the activities of a company and I am part of the economy.  I think that I will have lots of time to do what I want outside of my part-time hours.  It seems to feel good to be employed again.

I guess it's ok in life, and perhaps good, to try on a few different roles and experiment with different situations until we find what's right for us.  Others don't necessarily know what that will be; we don't know until we try and perhaps fail at some options.  I'm willing to admit I failed at staying home and being productive.  And I'm very glad that I found an opportunity to try something different and see big trucks go by.  The squirrels and I are tired of each other.


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