I hope it was anyways.
Today I came home with my son from an outing and sat at the computer. Although my son was in the basement, he was very quiet and I sensed what it will soon be like again when he is at school.
To be quite honest, I can't handle it.
I will miss my son when he's at school and I could get sad if I allowed myself to think about how he's growing up and going to a new school but that's not the point for me here. The point is, I need more stimulation than sitting in this house on this quiet, quiet street provides on a Monday (or Tuesday or Wednesday or Thursday or Friday) afternoon. I need challenge, people, activity and engagement. And it's not happening here.
So, rather than settle into despair or anxiety (again), I looked for a job and applied for one. It's a start; It has to happen. Something out there has to happen. Something has to take me back out into the world and back out there with purpose. I will go quite willingly. It will happen. I will make the changes that I need to make to be o.k. this school year. And beyond it too.
I am not cut out for staying home. Now we know. It just took a little long to really figure that out.