When I am at the gym, trotting on the treadmill or rowing to nowhere on the rowing machine, I need something at which to direct my eyes. Even if I mastered listening to music while I work out (and I hope I don't have to hire a trainer to help me with that), there is still the view to be considered. Sometimes I look at people but it's tricky to know when it gets closer to leering than looking and I'd rather stay away from that if I can.
Frequently, I find myself watching the tvs. There are three of them. With a visually interesting show, like Ellen, or even a sitcom and the correct distance from the closed-captioning, watching tv can help to pass the time and add some fun. Some people, however, must have very different ideas about tv viewing at the gym. They choose stations with shows that I have to describe as boring. Boring. That's not a word I like to use much because I find life anything but boring. Some tv stations manage to assemble a good bundle of boring, however, and there are people who choose to watch. Earlier this week, I saw Parliament. Yes, Parliament on tv. How can watching that possibly enhance the gym experience?
I suppose the solution to the problem of what I consider to be poor tv channel choices at the gym is to change the channel. I've seen people do it. But I am not a person who wants to impose her choices on others or I'm just not that assertive. I have seen someone walk in, look at the tv, and change it without regard for anyone else there. That won't be me. I will just keep on running or walking or rowing and pondering the minds of people who find parliament or business news or never-ending news interesting.
I might end up having to watch attractive men working out, again. If that's what's required of me, I will accept the challenge. Oh, the demands of physical fitness.
JAHD
Flowers in California
Thursday, September 22, 2011
Monday, September 19, 2011
Bridge to Euphoria
The Terry Fox Run is an excellent fundraising event. It continues the legacy of a Canadian hero. It is an honour to participate in it.
My friend Kim and I chose to walk. That's ok - nobody has to run. We raised a little bit of money and started off yesterday morning on our trek, among a crowd of runners and walkers, young and old, human and canine. It was a nice morning and we enjoyed walking and chatting.
At some point, I noticed that people ahead of us were crossing a pedestrian bridge. Most people would barely notice. It was not a high bridge or a precarious-looking bridge. But it was a bridge and it crossed the river at a location where it is fairly wide. To me, this presented a crisis. If I was going to continue on the walk, I would have to cross the bridge.
It was very difficult for me to get across but I did it. My friend Kim helped greatly by letting me hold onto her and by speaking gentle, supportive words. I will never forget her kindness. I hope that her hand was not seriously damaged by my grip.
After the crossing, and once we'd gotten what I considered a comfortable distance away from the bridge, I was proud. It was embarrassing to have been upset so I wasn't overly proud but I was really pleased with my accomplishment. It hadn't seemed possible.
(Here we'll gloss over the fact that we soon realized there was another bigger, higher, more open bridge to cross to go back over the river. I chose not to try that one and, long story short, we took public transit back to the other side. It wasn't a timed race, we did make it back in our own way, and you don't get memories like we have from sticking to the official route.)
By the time we went out to lunch after the walk, I felt euphoric. There was a new richness to life, friendship, conversation and food. Although I wouldn't have asked for the event to go the way it did, I felt great and it was a very satisfying experience.
I don't often challenge myself to try new things, and things that terrify me. I did this by accident. Maybe I should challenge myself more. Maybe we should all reach out and conquer new things, face our fears. It may seem easier to sit back and try to stay safe. But safety doesn't lead to a feeling of accomplishment and a sense of euphoria. They're nice feelings and I think I'd like to have them more often. And even if I have to feel like I felt on that bridge, it's worth it to get to those feelings on the other side.
Thank you to Kim.
Thank you to Terry Fox for the journey he began. He did so much more than cross a bridge. He started running and the world joined in. Thank you, Terry.
JAHD
My friend Kim and I chose to walk. That's ok - nobody has to run. We raised a little bit of money and started off yesterday morning on our trek, among a crowd of runners and walkers, young and old, human and canine. It was a nice morning and we enjoyed walking and chatting.
At some point, I noticed that people ahead of us were crossing a pedestrian bridge. Most people would barely notice. It was not a high bridge or a precarious-looking bridge. But it was a bridge and it crossed the river at a location where it is fairly wide. To me, this presented a crisis. If I was going to continue on the walk, I would have to cross the bridge.
It was very difficult for me to get across but I did it. My friend Kim helped greatly by letting me hold onto her and by speaking gentle, supportive words. I will never forget her kindness. I hope that her hand was not seriously damaged by my grip.
After the crossing, and once we'd gotten what I considered a comfortable distance away from the bridge, I was proud. It was embarrassing to have been upset so I wasn't overly proud but I was really pleased with my accomplishment. It hadn't seemed possible.
(Here we'll gloss over the fact that we soon realized there was another bigger, higher, more open bridge to cross to go back over the river. I chose not to try that one and, long story short, we took public transit back to the other side. It wasn't a timed race, we did make it back in our own way, and you don't get memories like we have from sticking to the official route.)
By the time we went out to lunch after the walk, I felt euphoric. There was a new richness to life, friendship, conversation and food. Although I wouldn't have asked for the event to go the way it did, I felt great and it was a very satisfying experience.
I don't often challenge myself to try new things, and things that terrify me. I did this by accident. Maybe I should challenge myself more. Maybe we should all reach out and conquer new things, face our fears. It may seem easier to sit back and try to stay safe. But safety doesn't lead to a feeling of accomplishment and a sense of euphoria. They're nice feelings and I think I'd like to have them more often. And even if I have to feel like I felt on that bridge, it's worth it to get to those feelings on the other side.
Thank you to Kim.
Thank you to Terry Fox for the journey he began. He did so much more than cross a bridge. He started running and the world joined in. Thank you, Terry.
JAHD
Friday, September 16, 2011
When Anger is Ablaze
I understand anger. I know its strength. It can lead us to say hurtful things. And act irrationally. It is a very powerful emotion and I suppose if we can experience intense joy and love, we can also feel intense anger. It's part of the package.
I have been having more trouble understanding how someone sets a multi-family dwelling on fire because of a fight with one's spouse. This happened locally this week. I don't mean to suggest that setting the spouse's home on fire would be a good idea if it were single-family. This is a horrible action to take but I choose to believe that it was meant as an act of property destruction and not murder (it was not in the middle of the night). To go beyond the notion of revenge on someone you're mad at, though, to the point of destroying other people's homes and belongings and risking a lot of lives, takes some heavy duty anger and a lot of irrational thought. Also, it was after the initial disturbance so this person had time to think. It's awful.
Actions have consequences. Even if this person thought he would not be arrested for the crime, he had to know that there would be damage, inconvenience and major upset for the other tenants. Was he so blinded by his own own problems that he didn't consider these repercussions? Was he abusing some kind of substance and his judgment clouded? Does he feel so wronged by the world that he wants to get back at more people than just his spouse? What made him believe this was the best course of action?
Nobody wins here. He's arrested. His spouse has no home. A lot of people have lost their belongings and homes and found out that there is more reason to be afraid than they may have realized. But he was angry and he acted on his anger. I guess he did what he set out to do.
I wonder if we can teach children to handle anger better. Would that be enough? We also need to consider the effects of our actions on others if we are to live peacefully. Can we teach that? And who are we? Who does and who should do the teaching?
I don't know. I wish there were ways to ensure that people don't do things like this again. Individually, I can try to understand my own anger and help people around me to process theirs. And maybe being kind and courteous when interacting with strangers can help a little bit. Rather than stoke the fires of people's anger and hurt, I can add some pleasantness. I don't think it can hurt. But I don't really know how we can stop people from taking such terrible actions. I wish that people put their energy into making things better rather than so much worse. I am happy when I think of how much better the world would be, and I am trying to hope will be, when more people do that.
JAHD
I have been having more trouble understanding how someone sets a multi-family dwelling on fire because of a fight with one's spouse. This happened locally this week. I don't mean to suggest that setting the spouse's home on fire would be a good idea if it were single-family. This is a horrible action to take but I choose to believe that it was meant as an act of property destruction and not murder (it was not in the middle of the night). To go beyond the notion of revenge on someone you're mad at, though, to the point of destroying other people's homes and belongings and risking a lot of lives, takes some heavy duty anger and a lot of irrational thought. Also, it was after the initial disturbance so this person had time to think. It's awful.
Actions have consequences. Even if this person thought he would not be arrested for the crime, he had to know that there would be damage, inconvenience and major upset for the other tenants. Was he so blinded by his own own problems that he didn't consider these repercussions? Was he abusing some kind of substance and his judgment clouded? Does he feel so wronged by the world that he wants to get back at more people than just his spouse? What made him believe this was the best course of action?
Nobody wins here. He's arrested. His spouse has no home. A lot of people have lost their belongings and homes and found out that there is more reason to be afraid than they may have realized. But he was angry and he acted on his anger. I guess he did what he set out to do.
I wonder if we can teach children to handle anger better. Would that be enough? We also need to consider the effects of our actions on others if we are to live peacefully. Can we teach that? And who are we? Who does and who should do the teaching?
I don't know. I wish there were ways to ensure that people don't do things like this again. Individually, I can try to understand my own anger and help people around me to process theirs. And maybe being kind and courteous when interacting with strangers can help a little bit. Rather than stoke the fires of people's anger and hurt, I can add some pleasantness. I don't think it can hurt. But I don't really know how we can stop people from taking such terrible actions. I wish that people put their energy into making things better rather than so much worse. I am happy when I think of how much better the world would be, and I am trying to hope will be, when more people do that.
JAHD
Monday, September 12, 2011
My Trainer - The Poor Soul
I wonder how ugly it's getting over at my local gym as the trainers sit around and argue over who will take on the task of working with me. Despite everything I have said in the past and my own fiercely independent approach to most things, I have signed up for 1 1/2 hours of fitness training. I want to learn what exercises are useful and I want to learn how to do them right.
It will be a challenge for the trainer. I can't possibly understand how the right person for me can be chosen randomly. That person will require a certain temperament. Physical skills will not be enough.
It is a little discouraging not to receive a call in the promised timeframe. I will try to be a good trainee. As long as my list of warnings, limitations, and rules is understood and respected. Oh, this does promise to be interesting. I wonder who will draw the short straw.
JAHD
It will be a challenge for the trainer. I can't possibly understand how the right person for me can be chosen randomly. That person will require a certain temperament. Physical skills will not be enough.
It is a little discouraging not to receive a call in the promised timeframe. I will try to be a good trainee. As long as my list of warnings, limitations, and rules is understood and respected. Oh, this does promise to be interesting. I wonder who will draw the short straw.
JAHD
Monday, August 29, 2011
On Papa Smurf and Hoarding
For the past few days, I have been cleaning out and rearranging kitchen cupboards. It's kind of fun. And I look forward to trying out the new set-up. It's entirely possible I will be shuffling it all back to the way it was but for now, I'm hopeful.
As I go through kitchen items, it becomes obvious that we have too many of some items. So, off to Goodwill they will go. When I look at some, I'm not sure that Goodwill will want them even though we were using them until last week. I use things for a long time because I don't like to waste things. I don't want to send items to Goodwill that they can't use and which will require disposal. It can be a tough call.
I also have a bit of a tug-of-war about certain items. There can be the sentimentality factor and a strange reluctance to get rid of something that we've had a long time. I have watched shows such as Hoarders and Hoarding: Buried Alive lately though. What I've seen and heard on those shows makes it easier to get rid of some items. They help to alleviate guilt when that is a factor in keeping something. After all, according to those shows, holding on to things we don't need is a terrible thing to do.
While those shows do make me consider some habits, I've learned it's important not to take the concept of purging one's items too far. I am so glad that with one of my older items, I hadn't done that.
Recently, I went to see The Smurfs Movie. I really enjoyed it and was envious of the Smurfs' happy lifestyle in their community. And I had not known that Smurfs are three apples tall. You never know when you'll need that information. Anyways, watching the movie, I started to wonder if I still had the Papa Smurf stuffed animal that I won in an amusement park in the 80's. I had been excited to win him on my own; none of my boyfriends in the pointless relationships that dominated my teen years had to do it for me and that meant something to me.
I knew that I had kept Papa Smurf a long time. Well, I don't want to say a long time because that makes me sound old but, yes, it was a long time. I also knew that I have been clearing out stuff lately. I feared for the little blue guy.
When I got home, I went to the room where I thought he might be. I felt really bad as I looked and didn't see him. I knew then that we can go too far in ridding ourselves of our belongings. I knew then that I had to put these thoughts in writing.
Happily, I found Papa Smurf. I was so relieved. It doesn't affect my day-to-day life that much to have him around but he is a piece of my past. After enjoying the movie, it's even nicer to have a Smurf. Of course we can't keep everything but we can keep some special things.
I'm not sure that I'm comfortable with the fact that hoarding shows are on tv. I have watched them, though, and I might do so again. They seem exploitative and some, maybe most, of the people profiled seem to be really troubled. It must be a horrible invasion of their privacy to have family and/or friends, cleaning people and a production crew enter their home. I hope I have the resolve to do better things with my time than watch more episodes.
These shows can also make viewers, or me anyways, fear that if we don't throw things out, our homes will look like the ones shown. I have been made aware of some bad tendencies I have. But I am not a hoarder. Those people are very troubled. We don't have to throw out all our belongings. There's a big space between keeping a few too many things and not being able to eat in one's kitchen and normalizing bug and rodent infestations.
I believe it's good and healthy to keep something like my Papa Smurf. And he is only three apples tall.
JAHD
As I go through kitchen items, it becomes obvious that we have too many of some items. So, off to Goodwill they will go. When I look at some, I'm not sure that Goodwill will want them even though we were using them until last week. I use things for a long time because I don't like to waste things. I don't want to send items to Goodwill that they can't use and which will require disposal. It can be a tough call.
I also have a bit of a tug-of-war about certain items. There can be the sentimentality factor and a strange reluctance to get rid of something that we've had a long time. I have watched shows such as Hoarders and Hoarding: Buried Alive lately though. What I've seen and heard on those shows makes it easier to get rid of some items. They help to alleviate guilt when that is a factor in keeping something. After all, according to those shows, holding on to things we don't need is a terrible thing to do.
While those shows do make me consider some habits, I've learned it's important not to take the concept of purging one's items too far. I am so glad that with one of my older items, I hadn't done that.
Recently, I went to see The Smurfs Movie. I really enjoyed it and was envious of the Smurfs' happy lifestyle in their community. And I had not known that Smurfs are three apples tall. You never know when you'll need that information. Anyways, watching the movie, I started to wonder if I still had the Papa Smurf stuffed animal that I won in an amusement park in the 80's. I had been excited to win him on my own; none of my boyfriends in the pointless relationships that dominated my teen years had to do it for me and that meant something to me.
I knew that I had kept Papa Smurf a long time. Well, I don't want to say a long time because that makes me sound old but, yes, it was a long time. I also knew that I have been clearing out stuff lately. I feared for the little blue guy.
When I got home, I went to the room where I thought he might be. I felt really bad as I looked and didn't see him. I knew then that we can go too far in ridding ourselves of our belongings. I knew then that I had to put these thoughts in writing.
Happily, I found Papa Smurf. I was so relieved. It doesn't affect my day-to-day life that much to have him around but he is a piece of my past. After enjoying the movie, it's even nicer to have a Smurf. Of course we can't keep everything but we can keep some special things.
I'm not sure that I'm comfortable with the fact that hoarding shows are on tv. I have watched them, though, and I might do so again. They seem exploitative and some, maybe most, of the people profiled seem to be really troubled. It must be a horrible invasion of their privacy to have family and/or friends, cleaning people and a production crew enter their home. I hope I have the resolve to do better things with my time than watch more episodes.
These shows can also make viewers, or me anyways, fear that if we don't throw things out, our homes will look like the ones shown. I have been made aware of some bad tendencies I have. But I am not a hoarder. Those people are very troubled. We don't have to throw out all our belongings. There's a big space between keeping a few too many things and not being able to eat in one's kitchen and normalizing bug and rodent infestations.
I believe it's good and healthy to keep something like my Papa Smurf. And he is only three apples tall.
JAHD
Monday, August 22, 2011
Mr. Jack Layton
Rest in Peace to Jack Layton, Leader of the NDP, Canada's Official Opposition Party.
I cannot honour this man adequately with a blog entry. His letter to Canadians said it all so well.
I can't believe he's gone.
JAHD
I cannot honour this man adequately with a blog entry. His letter to Canadians said it all so well.
I can't believe he's gone.
JAHD
Thursday, August 18, 2011
Winds Are Blowing
When the wind was strong last night, it seemed perfect. The winds of change are blowing through the lives of a lot of people I know right now. They're powerful winds.
Some people are going through painful change. For some, the changes will be wonderful. For all of us, these changes are new.
The greyness of today's weather seemed perfect too. We cannot yet see the colours, the effects, the new scenery these changes will create.
Friendships will endure. But lives will change. They must. We must. I am excited and a little uncomfortable. We are treading on new ground and we have to trust that it is stable beneath our feet. And that it's o.k. to start walking around in this redesigned world.
JAHD
Some people are going through painful change. For some, the changes will be wonderful. For all of us, these changes are new.
The greyness of today's weather seemed perfect too. We cannot yet see the colours, the effects, the new scenery these changes will create.
Friendships will endure. But lives will change. They must. We must. I am excited and a little uncomfortable. We are treading on new ground and we have to trust that it is stable beneath our feet. And that it's o.k. to start walking around in this redesigned world.
JAHD
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
What Others Say
Today someone said things to me that I found strange. They bothered me. I've tried to sort out how I feel about them.
As the day draws to a close, however, I am realizing that the comments another person makes say more about them than they do about me. No, it's not normal to greet someone after their vacation and tell them it wasn't long enough. A week at a beach seemed just right to us. But I have areas in which I can improve too. I will not dwell on other people's issues. Or not for long, anyways.
Oh and, yes, I know I got more freckles from the sun. I also got a healthy glow. It would have been nicer to point out the glow.
JAHD
As the day draws to a close, however, I am realizing that the comments another person makes say more about them than they do about me. No, it's not normal to greet someone after their vacation and tell them it wasn't long enough. A week at a beach seemed just right to us. But I have areas in which I can improve too. I will not dwell on other people's issues. Or not for long, anyways.
Oh and, yes, I know I got more freckles from the sun. I also got a healthy glow. It would have been nicer to point out the glow.
JAHD
Monday, August 15, 2011
Isn't Travel Fun?
To avoid travel problems, it's best to stay home. That way you wouldn't:
- find out your flight is delayed over 2 hours and that you will miss your connection and stay in a hotel in the connecting city for a flight at 7 a.m.
- stand outside a gas station in Durham North Carolina, terrified that someone in your party was having a serious food reaction
- wait for one and a half hours to get hotel vouchers in connecting city so that you are at hotel for less than 5 hours
- notice that only one of the three of you has an assigned seat on this flight and that the flight is overbooked
I can see that not everyone wants those things to happen to them. And all of them have happened to my family within the last 24 hours. But if we hadn't travelled, we would have also missed:
- a wonderful beach trip that included my parents
and, within the last 24 hours,
- a chance to talk to and cheer on fellow travellers as we all worked to sort out our travel issues and get on with our lives
- a little extra attention (and free breakfast) on this morning's flight because our tickets somehow indicated what we had been through
- a remarkably nice, albeit quick, sleep in a reasonably nice hotel
- the profound relief that there was no food reaction and a chance to view the rest of this situation in perspective
It was kind of my goal through the ordeal to get back to our living room. I will go there and read through my mail. But I don't want to stay in the living room too long. There was a time in my life when I wore out a couch cushion from sitting on it so much. That wasn't good for me or the couch (we had to replace it). A lot of living happens outside the living room and if sometimes I end up tired and upset and a little frantic in an airport after 11 at night, it's just a part of the adventure. But I'm glad we're home.
JAHD
- find out your flight is delayed over 2 hours and that you will miss your connection and stay in a hotel in the connecting city for a flight at 7 a.m.
- stand outside a gas station in Durham North Carolina, terrified that someone in your party was having a serious food reaction
- wait for one and a half hours to get hotel vouchers in connecting city so that you are at hotel for less than 5 hours
- notice that only one of the three of you has an assigned seat on this flight and that the flight is overbooked
I can see that not everyone wants those things to happen to them. And all of them have happened to my family within the last 24 hours. But if we hadn't travelled, we would have also missed:
- a wonderful beach trip that included my parents
and, within the last 24 hours,
- a chance to talk to and cheer on fellow travellers as we all worked to sort out our travel issues and get on with our lives
- a little extra attention (and free breakfast) on this morning's flight because our tickets somehow indicated what we had been through
- a remarkably nice, albeit quick, sleep in a reasonably nice hotel
- the profound relief that there was no food reaction and a chance to view the rest of this situation in perspective
It was kind of my goal through the ordeal to get back to our living room. I will go there and read through my mail. But I don't want to stay in the living room too long. There was a time in my life when I wore out a couch cushion from sitting on it so much. That wasn't good for me or the couch (we had to replace it). A lot of living happens outside the living room and if sometimes I end up tired and upset and a little frantic in an airport after 11 at night, it's just a part of the adventure. But I'm glad we're home.
JAHD
Thursday, August 4, 2011
Nature's Beauty
I understand that not everyone likes small animals, especially rabbits, as much as me. Well, let's say I understand. But whether one loves them or not, it troubles me to see people chase them away from their yards. Yards are outside, rabbits are outside. I think they go with the territory. In a city, we are lucky to see wildlife up close. I think it is sad and wrong to see it rebuffed when we get that chance.
A man who lives on my street really likes the outside of his house to be neat. When he was chasing a rabbit away one time as my son and I played badminton on our lawn, I (somewhat) nicely yelled over to him that I like the rabbits. He said nicely that he would like them too if they didn't dig holes in his lawn. They don't dig holes. They do create very shallow dugouts where they lie down. And they use the same dugout repeatedly. It's not a big deal. And is it really that important to this man that his lawn be perfect? It's not like he has a beautiful flower garden that's getting eaten or his family's vegetables are being stolen. And I have colourful flowers that are low to the ground and very few get eaten. I coexist with the rabbits. I enjoy their presence.
I don't think I'm bothered about this just because I like rabbits. Rather, I'm bothered because I don't see the merit in protecting perfectly tidy but boring outdoor spaces. Flowers are beautiful. Trees can be beautiful. Nature is beautiful. Animals are a part of nature. When someone angrily tries to keep one element of nature away, there is less beauty. When someone tries to manipulate their outdoor space with perfectionism, it's not natural.
JAHD - This piece is dedicated to Tom, the baby rabbit who lived outside our house for a few days. Naturally.
A man who lives on my street really likes the outside of his house to be neat. When he was chasing a rabbit away one time as my son and I played badminton on our lawn, I (somewhat) nicely yelled over to him that I like the rabbits. He said nicely that he would like them too if they didn't dig holes in his lawn. They don't dig holes. They do create very shallow dugouts where they lie down. And they use the same dugout repeatedly. It's not a big deal. And is it really that important to this man that his lawn be perfect? It's not like he has a beautiful flower garden that's getting eaten or his family's vegetables are being stolen. And I have colourful flowers that are low to the ground and very few get eaten. I coexist with the rabbits. I enjoy their presence.
I don't think I'm bothered about this just because I like rabbits. Rather, I'm bothered because I don't see the merit in protecting perfectly tidy but boring outdoor spaces. Flowers are beautiful. Trees can be beautiful. Nature is beautiful. Animals are a part of nature. When someone angrily tries to keep one element of nature away, there is less beauty. When someone tries to manipulate their outdoor space with perfectionism, it's not natural.
JAHD - This piece is dedicated to Tom, the baby rabbit who lived outside our house for a few days. Naturally.
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