I Oppose the Word "Just"

I just do.

No, there's a lot more to it than that.

First of all, the word "just" isn't always needed.  It doesn't add a lot of meaning.  How can things be "just perfect" or "just right"?  Aren't they perfect or right?  So, it's on my radar screen for that.  But I have bigger problems with the word than that.

As far as the word "just" being used to mean "fair", I think we should give up on the concept of life being just or fair if we want to happy.  I don't see evidence that anyone is using a giant weighing system to ensure everyone has equal measures of happiness, sadness and everything else.  We have to make the best of what we are handed in life.  Again, we can strike out the word "just."

Finally, we use the "just" to minimize our accomplishments.  We just create beautiful pieces of art, just teach or just write.  We just cook, bake, clean, go to work, care for animals, raise children or volunteer.  We just pick ourselves up from defeat or upset, and carry on.  We just do a lot of things.  How about we stop minimizing any of them?  How about we give ourselves credit for all that we do and all that we are?  We're not "just wonderful."  We are wonderful!

I'm not going to formally request that the word "just" be removed from usage.  Too much paperwork.  But I think it's important to consider the use of the word, especially in the context of minimizing things we do.  What we do has value and so do we.  It's that simple.  And yes, I could have used the word there.  But there's no need.  It really is simple.

JAHD

Becoming Handcuffed

I just ate my lunch and glanced through the paper.  I saw a picture of Michael Jackson's doctor having handcuffs placed on him.  Dr. Conrad Murrary was found guilty of involuntary mansalughter in the death of Michael Jackson.  He became a man in handcuffs.

I don't know how long the handcuffs stayed on Dr. Murray or the rightness or wrongness of the verdict.  The life and death of Michael Jackson are not straightforward.  But the image of this man, this doctor, losing his freedom struck me.

I wonder what it is like to go from being a free person and a medical professional to a person who is cuffed and imprisoned and at the control of the justice system.  What did he lose with the verdict and with the action of being handcuffed?  He passively accepted them both.  What else could he do?  But what is it like to go from sitting in a courtroom, well-dressed in a suit and tie, to suddenly becoming a handcuffed convict?

And really, why the cuffs?  It must be a standard procedure but I doubt that it's necessary.  Does it help anybody to strip away this man's dignity in this way?  From his defeated expression, he did not appear about to run away or hurt anyone.

This isn't about the rightness or wrongness of the handcuffs though.  It's about what it must be like to lose one's freedom and have one's situation change that quickly.  It's about wondering what it is like to, literally, have our hands tied, to truly be imprisoned, not imprisoned by the limits we impose upon ourselves.

For those of us who are free, who can use our hands, who can lead our lives, we have so much opportunity, so many options.  We can do so much.  It is in our hands. 

JAHD

Going For It Finally

I'm hungry now.  I'm not hungry for food.  I just had a little snack so I'm fine that way.  Thank you for your concern though.  No, I'm hungry for life.  I'm hungry for doing what I want to do regardless of, well, regardless.  It is time to move forward.  Finally.

I'm not sure how to deal with the fact that I have wasted time and lots of it.  You don't get that back.  But maybe it helps you use time better in the future.

I am grateful to have wonderful people in my life who offer encouraging words.  They believe in me.  We all need that.  I'm starting to believe in myself too.  And not beat myself up about things.  My confidence is, well, coming along.  The seeds have sprouted.

I see no benefit to hiding our abilities.  The world needs what we have to offer.  And we need to offer it, we need to express ourselves and our talents.  To quote Marianne Williamson:

"Your playing small does not serve the world." (see below)

We all have so many wonderful talents and interests and potential.  When we unleash them, we can do amazing things.

JAHD

Regarding the quote:  I refer you to Marianne Williamson's website http://www.marianne.com/ for the context of this quote and further information.  I find the entire quote shown there very inspiring.  Enjoy!

Keep Bothering

I hope that each of you enjoys reading this blog.  I expect that you get a sense from it that I enjoy writing.  I do; it is my passion.  There are times, however, when I don't feel positive about it.  Here are some words I found this evening in one of my notebooks:


The house would be a lot tidier if I didn't have notebooks and newspapers and books and pens and things to read and things I'm writing and things that inspire.
Maybe that would be better.
Maybe my words are clutter.
Maybe the world doesn't need more.
That's what it feels like right now.  Who cares?  Shut up.  Stop making noise, on paper.  Just be still.  Would that be better, more peaceful, simpler, healthier?
Should I just give up, & keep it simple?
Why try so hard?
Why try at all?
Why bother?


What a sad person I would be if I gave in to discouraging thoughts like that.

I plan to keep on bothering.  I hope that all of you know and pursue your passions.  And keep bothering, always.

JAHD

Looking and Hoping for a Much Better Way

I watched video of Libyan ruler Moammar Gadhafi, in terrible shape, and soon to die.  As well, I believe I saw his body after he had died.  The images were horrible.  While the ethics of showing this material can be debated, they show us that this man came to a violent end.  I don't think we should be sheltered from that truth.  I do think we should consider the question:

Is that the best we can do?

I don't question that Moammar Gadhafi oppressed his country, inflicted violence upon others and was involved in terrorist activities.  I will read more about him and gain some more understanding but clearly, he did terrible things.  But, in 2011, do we not have better ways to deal with a person like Gadhafi?  Is there not a more peaceful solution?

I saw people of Libyan descent on the news.  They looked genuinely happy that this man is dead.  I know that they have legitimate, heartfelt reasons for this happiness.  For them, I am pleased that they and their families feel free of this man's threat.

When my son learned about this event though, and we were talking about it, I chose to temper the celebratory tone.  I don't like to convey that a person's violent death is a cause for joy.  How do we teach tolerance and love when the ultimate answer is to kill bad people?

I don't know what better ways there are to stop people like Moammar Gadhafi and others from doing harm.  I think society should be working towards better solutions though.  Solutions from the mind rather than from military strategy are called for.  We're not there yet, we don't have better answers, but we can work towards getting to a more enlightened place where we can do better.

Maybe it was the right decision of the media to show the tapes of the ugly truth of the end of Moammar Gadhafi's life.  And to show the ugly truth of violence, even when it's considered to be for a good cause.

JAHD

Quietly Searching for My Inner Normality at Parent-Teacher Conferences

I got through parent-teacher conferences this morning.  I talked to two of my son's teachers.  I don't think I humiliated anyone, this time.

In communicating with my son's teachers, right from kindergarten, I have a bad record of feeling like I've said the wrong thing or offered more information than they could possibly want to hear.  In other situations too, I have a tendency to revisit conversations in my mind and wonder if I've said the wrong thing.  With my son's teachers though, I may be right about saying the wrong thing or, at least, saying way too much of the right thing.  I don't think they need to know

- my educational history from elementary grades to university and continuing ed courses
- that I'm from Toronto and like to go back to visit it
- that I have rabbits, two right now, and my whole history of having rabbits as pets
- my interesting in writing and my preferred genres
- my breakfast choices and what I plan to have for lunch
- my feelings on any number of subjects
- my son's birth story and how I feel about that

I don't think I've delved into all those topics (yet) or at least not to this level of detail.  But I have talked.  And while the information itself is generally quite irrelevant, the fact that I start spewing it may be of interest to them.  I wonder what they've recorded about me.  I wonder if I have my own file.

In other situations, I do not demand a lot of conversational time.  Clearly, I like saying things in written form.  Maybe because, as an introvert, I appreciate situations where I can take time and put some thought into what I am saying, the short interview set-up intimidates me.  My son and his education matter a great deal to me and it's a big deal to have a chance to exchange information about him.  As well, authority figures may be a bit of an issue.  Maybe I still want approval for things from my past.  Whatever the explanation, maybe it's ok that I go a little crazy in this setting.  Maybe.

Today, on the way to school, I let my son in on my concerns and desire to do well this time.  I came up with some thoughts to guide me:

 - It's better to say nothing than something stupid.
 - Nodding can be ok.

My son came up with the best line (as usual) of all:

 "Find your inner normality."

He can say that - he knows me well.

This time, I found my inner normality.  I listened and, while I hope I said appropriate things, at least I know I didn't provide too much information.  It was a better experience.

I was impressed with the teachers with whom I spoke.  I am proud of my son and his effort and approach to school.  Keeping quiet, and out of the spotlight, I enjoyed parent-teacher conferences this time.

JAHD

On Fixing the Dishwasher and New Perspectives

I just spent a few minutes down on the floor with my head in the dishwasher and water dripping on me.  While it wasn't the best part of my day, it wasn't necessarily the worst and I eventually emerged victorious.

My victory comes in the form of securely reattaching a piece of the dishwasher that I removed a few weeks ago when I was cleaning out the filter area.  I was hoping that the piece wouldn't matter and I still don't know the exact role it plays.  But now it's in place and I reattached another piece of the filter more securely as well.  Hopefully our dishwasher problems are over for a while.

Preventing appliance disasters is highly regarded in our household.  We have had bad luck with dishwashers and there was the horrible oven incident of 2005.  I don't know what it would do to us emotionally to have to face another appliance catastrophe.  I'm glad this problem seems to be sorted out.

Now, I take from this repair adventure not just the knowledge of where parts go in this model of dishwasher.  Although that is valuable information.  What struck me as I sorted things out was that when I tried to fix it a few weeks ago, I came at the problem from one side of the dishwasher and it didn't work.  But this evening, when I came at the problem from the other side, I got a fresh look at things.  And I was able to resolve the problem.  A fresh perspective made the difference.

Some problems are tough.  A fresh perspective might help with issues larger than dishwasher repair though.  It's amazing how a change in environment or a nutritious meal or someone else's helpful words can change one's vantage point.  I'm glad I'm not still working on the dishwasher from the wrong side.  I think it's good to work on other challenges and opportunities from fresh perspectives too.

And I really hope this load of dishes comes out clean.

JAHD

Sleeping in Comfort

As I was walking through the mall today, I saw a woman in the Quilts etc. store holding up and folding a comfy looking quilt.  There are lots of quilts at that store; it's well-named.

Seeing that quilt made me think of the one that I pull up on myself each night.  The other night, as I did so, I heard sirens.  I felt grateful for the comfortable situation in which I found myself and knew that someone wasn't as lucky at that time.

It is wonderful to have a comfortable bed to turn to at night.  It is so easily overlooked but we who have that have something worth appreciating.

I don't know what it's like to be homeless.  I imagine that a key component of it is that the people are bedless.  Having no home, no place to make your own must be difficult during the day but at night, to have nowhere to shut down and settle in, on your own or among people you love, must be extremely unsettling.  I know that there are facilities that provide shelter but they are not home.

I remember seeing a picture, when my son was a toddler, of a boy who resembled him.  He was sleeping on his father's lap.  His family was homeless.  He didn't have a bed of his own.  I wonder what that's like for a child and how he's doing now.  I hope that things have improved and that he has his own bed.

Solving homelessness, like so many problems, is not easy.  There is not a standard profile of a homeless person.  Maybe, if we notice and appreciate that we have beds and blankets and peace at night, we will consider what it must be like not to have those things.  We will realize that it is worthwhile to try to help others to have them too.  And eventually we will go to sleep at night, in peace and comfort, knowing that others are doing the same thing.

(By the way, there is a charity that takes an interest in supplying children around the world with beds.  It was founded by the parents of former NHL goalie Ken Dryden.  I don't know a lot about it but here is a link that I found to its website.  Just something to think about so that everyone can have a better sleep.)

http://www.scaw.org/index.html

JAHD

On People Connecting

I stumbled my way through ordering a cheese pretzel the other day in the only language in which I claim fluency.  It wasn't overly impressive.  The server was polite.  She knew what I meant.

During our transaction, smiles were exchanged.  Somehow we connected.  It's possible that the server's first language was not English.  But few words were required.  With being temporarily tongue-tied, I was lucky.  But the whole thing got me thinking about how language can be a barrier to connecting.  That's unfortunate.

I find languages interesting and know some words in a few different ones.  French is my strongest.  I realize now that I have never used second language skills to get to know someone.  I understand a few words in Italian but I never got to know my friend's grandparents when I was a child.  They spoke Italian and I didn't and, while I was in their house a lot, we could not communicate.  Or we didn't communicate - maybe we should have made an effort.

I am not proud of the fact that even now, I find it very challenging to converse with someone who doesn't speak English well.  That's terrible.  But I don't pick up as much information from a person nor as good a sense of what they're really saying.  I wish I could.  And it's harder for me to express myself.  I wish it wasn't.

As wonderful as a variety of languages is, I wonder what it would be like if somehow, we all spoke the same one.  If language stopped being a barrier, we could understand and relate to so many more people.  We could have deeper discussions and learn more of people's experiences from around the globe.  We would be able to know each other's feelings more deeply too.  I think it would be wonderful.

I don't think there will be only one language in the near future, nor should there be, but thinking about the concept makes me realize that I should try harder to get to know people, however tricky conversation with them may be.  There are so many amazing people in the world who have so much to share.  It's worth listening and working hard at understanding.

JAHD

The Sea - One of the Places I'd Like to Be

I have to be careful to avoid my house becoming like a walk-through instruction manual.  I like inspirational quotes, a lot.  And I hang them on our walls, quite often.  Guests should factor some reading time into any visit.

One of the sayings I have on the wall is "The Sea is where I want to be."  I love the ocean.  I love oceanfront beaches.  And the beaches alongside large lakes.  Given a choice of travel destinations, I would prefer one that involves staying by "The Sea."

With all that being said, it must be noted that I don't live near an ocean, lake or anything else that could be descibed as a sea.  So, my little saying becomes rather rueful.  It suggests that all the time I'm not alongside water, I'd rather be somewhere else.

On the weekend, I was in an all-year Christmas store that offers decorative items that go way beyond that season.  I found inspirational quotes, as usual, on various objects and also a section of ocean-themed decor items.  I spent a lot of time in this store.

While a few quotes caught my eye, the one that left the biggest impression said, and I'm paraphrasing, that paradise is anywhere, it's up to you.

I believe that's true.  We can worry and fret and complain in a beautiful setting or we can rejoice in less than ideal surroundings.  Yes, I love the ocean.  But I don't want to spend my life regretting that I don't live by it and wishing I was somewhere else.  I hope to take trips, maybe some day I will even move to a waterfront location.  I don't know.  But I do know that making the best of life as it is, and where it is, is a good idea.

And by the way, on those visits to my house, after you're finished reading all the quotes, please spend some time looking at beach and waterfront pictures hanging on the walls.  And enjoying the colours of sky and sand and sun.  Yes, I really do love the sea.

JAHD