One Day, This Day

The capacity of one day.  What is it?   If we do all that we dream of doing in one day, this day, what can we accomplish?  I will try to find out.  For one day, at least, I'll treasure my time and  value my contribution.  Maybe time has no end but mine does.  I want to use it well.  I want to use it up.  And at the end of this day, I want to go to sleep knowing I've done my best today at living, at making my contribution.

I hope that you are all cherishing and enjoying your days.

JAHD

My Return to the Gym

You might notice that the title does not include the word "triumphant."  That's ok.  Neither does it include the word "disastrous."  Or "heartbreaking."  For me, this is good.

I returned to the gym because I'd pieced together lately that maybe I was more creative when I was going to the gym regularly.  It does make me feel great.  I've also been told I'm nicer when I work out.  Apparently this is a good thing.

With the duration of time since I'd last been, I  had to look for my gym bag and give some thought to what my lock combination might be.  Forgetting that could be a problem and it's one I've had to work through before.  I do know my grade 7 locker combo but that never helps.  (It's 39-3-50 and, as the lock was stolen a few years ago, I'm very willing to share it.  Go ahead and give it a try.  My lock is out there somewhere.)

Eager to be properly prepared for my return, I had my membership card in my hand before I got inside the building.  Still, though, I had to pass through the electronic card reader.  While I prefer an electronic device in such a situation to a possibly athletic person checking my card and offering me a look of condescension, restrained humour or outright pity, these devices have their own ways of suggesting that I don't belong in a gym.  As I presented my card in numerous ways and continued to receive no recognition, lines like "Not you again, We thought you'd given up, The gym teachers were right, Or the mean ones anyways" floated through my head.  I persisted though and got in.  That, at least, was a triumph.

My confidence had increased a bit by the time I walked past all the people using elliptical machines.  Many of those people looked at me and not in a friendly way.  I choose to believe that I caught their attention because I'm not usually there at that time of day (or, really, any time of day) and not because they took an immediate dislike to me.  I would expect disliking me to take longer but maybe not.  Regardless, my attitude by that time was "Yeah, I'm back, deal with it."  Somehow they did.

The 30 minutes I spent on the treadmill was uneventful.  The tv choices were disappointing (tennis on a small screen or a morning talk show that I don't enjoy no matter who the new co-host is) but my mind was happily occupied so it didn't matter.  I kept setting new goals of time, glancing at my heart rate, and not dwelling on the low number of calories I used.  Another treadmill user lost his footing and stumbled off the back of the machine but I didn't do that and he's going to be just fine.   

I left the gym today feeling better than when I went in and I did feel more creative.  I will go back much sooner this time (really!) and I want to go regularly.  Exercise alone does not lead to rapid weight loss (that would be nice) but there are benefits far more important than that.  Even if the card reader never accepts me, I will keep trying to convince it and myself that I belong. My return was not triumphant but it was good.  I like exercising and I like it when my creativity flows.  And I'm glad that, on my first day back at least, it wasn't me who fell off the treadmill.  I can save that for another day.

JAHD

The Feedback I Fear

Awaiting feedback on a piece of writing/editing that I submitted recently, I was (and still am) feeling uncomfortable about the reaction it will receive.  I decided to document the kind of letter I most fear.  I hope I'm now more ready to deal with whatever feedback I do receive.  Hopefully it will not be quite this bad.


Dear Joanne:

We received your piece of writing.  Normally we would thank a writer at this point but, in this case, we do not find it appropriate to do so.

Your work on this piece was not what we expected.  Our concerns go so much beyond this one piece, though.  We suggest you find someone to go through the rest of the letter with you.  For one thing, you may find some of the content upsetting.  Also, we think you may need help with some of the larger words.

We are concerned about your state of mind.  Writing such as yours does not come from a healthy place.  And whatever events in your life led you to believe you have any writing ability were misinterpreted.  Clearly your judgment is very poor.

While we hope you understand by this point that we will not be using this piece, we must brace you for some more bad news.  Based on this one document and the questions it has raised about you, we have chosen to revoke your membership in our association.  Your fees will be refunded and, more importantly in our view, we will direct you to the professionals you need.  We believe that the team we put together will have a chance of making some degree of progress with you.  That is our hope.

We understand that you may be somewhat disappointed by this turn of events.  So are we.  We wish you good luck in your future endeavours and fervently hope that they will not be in the writing field.  That would be best for everyone concerned.

From,
People Who Know

Look Out! I Tried to Sew!

No one got hurt.  While I can be grateful for that, I am troubled by the experience I had moments ago with my sewing machine.  Really, it's what I should have expected.  The last time I remember using my sewing machine was in 2003.  I was trying to make some changes to a Halloween costume for my son.  It was on Halloween.  I thought of throwing the machine out the front door.  Halloween is, of course, one of the worst days to randomly throw large heavy objects out the front door but we don't get a lot of trick-or-treaters so it probably would have been ok.

I think I can sew.  It's difficult to prove that but I think Ms. Koenig taught me pretty well in Junior High.  I made an apron that looked like an apron and a cushion that looked like a tooth.  It was supposed to be a rabbit but somehow its yellowness made it more like Murphy the Molar.  I also took lessons at Singer.  .

Perhaps if I had bought a Singer sewing machine, all would have been well.  The machine I bought has a vertical bobbin.  That seems unnecessarily cruel.  Right now, I have the bobbin and all bobbin-related pieces lying on the kitchen table.  If I could properly install them, I think I might have a chance of sewing some day.

I will spend some more time looking at the instruction manual.  It hasn't helped out a lot so far.  It devotes an inordinate amount of time to how to attach the power supply.  I had managed to figure that part out rather quickly.  And by page 4 it lists "Available Accessories and Attachments."  I really don't think more pieces are the answer.  The biggest problem I have with the manual, though, is that under "Care of Your Machine" it doesn't warn against throwing it out the front door.  It leaves that tempting option on the table.  I can't guarantee I won't pursue it.

I would like to be able to sew the occasional straight line on curtains or pillows.  I don't have great sewing ambitions.  It's frustrating when a piece of machinery stands in my way.  I am going to try once more to get it working.  Thus, in the interest of safety, I advise everyone to stay away from the front of my house for a while.  I think the mail carrier has passed by and my husband would know to duck if he saw me open the door with a large object in my hands so there shouldn't be any injuries.  But maybe that won't be necessary.  Maybe I will get the bobbin inserted properly.  Maybe I will even sew a straight line.  That's all I ask and it would be so nice.

JAHD

 

The Battles in Crafting

"That really is Crafting 101."  For many people, not knowing the full curriculum of Crafting 101, which I've never seen listed in any course catalogues, wouldn't be a serious matter.  We don't know but we get it but we get by in life, somehow.  For the contestants on the new tv show "Craft Wars," however, it's a serious matter and a terrible failing.  The shame must have been great for the person to whom the judge spoke those words.  How could you come back from something like that?

TLC describes its new show as follows:

"TLC is about to turn crafting on its head. Long gone are the days where crafting solely referred to a world of quaint tea cozies and popsicle stick bird houses. Today, there is a strong movement of crafters taking this beloved hobby and transforming it into an extreme art form. Now, for the first time ever, TLC has assembled these craft virtuosos for a knock-down, drag-out fight for supremacy."

I hadn't realized that things had gotten so serious.  And nasty.  While indeed the world may only need so many tea cozies and bird houses, there are many other beautiful items that talented people create, apparently without feeling a need to prove themselves through full-scale battles.  Maybe there's more going on than I see but the artists I know who do rug hooking, visual art, photography, furniture restorartion, and quilting seem to express the best of themselves through their art without a need to fight for superiority.  They each add beauty to the world in their unique way.  I'm so grateful that they do.

I guess competition is interesting to watch.  Maybe the show will do well.  I don't know, though, that it will have much connection to the beautiful work already being created by so many people.  While the contestants on the show may be talented people too, I doubt that their involvement will spur them to produce their creative best.  Hopefully it will be harmless and maybe it will lead to some viewers getting in touch with their own creativity.  Maybe then they will find themselves engaging in activities more fulfilling than watching people engage in "knock-down, drag-out" battles over crafts. 

I suppose another potential upside to this show is that people like me may be able to benefit in the crafting world.  While my talents in that area are not strong, I can be ferocious and would be willing to fight to win the $10,000 price.  My participation on the show wouldn't add beauty to the world but it would provide some entertainment.  And, rather sadly, I think that's all the producers are really looking for after all.  Stay tuned for my episode!

JAHD

Finding Things to Say

While I enjoy conversation a great deal and hopefully handle it well on most occasions, there are times when I don't have a lot to offer.  Sometimes, all I really have to say is something like "I'm hungry," "My right nostril is clogged" or, and no one wants it to come to this "Wow, I feel better after that trip to the bathroom."  None of that is especially enlightening.

While I don't usually resort to sharing thoughts like those ones, there can be times during a conversation when I struggle for something to say and they stand a chance of being verbalized.  It seems a shame to struggle for something to say though.  What is it about silence in conversation that makes this effort seem necessary?

It's wonderful when two or more people share themselves and their thoughts in conversation.  I suppose it is a lot to expect, though, that people will speak every second of their time together.  We may need breaks to absorb what we have heard, to generate new thoughts and to gather thoughts that we have not shared yet.  To fill every second with words, we would have to work on what we are going to say when we should be concentrating on what someone else is saying.  Slowing down and allowing silences should enrich our conversations, our sharing.  But we seem reluctant to slow down.

Perhaps when there is silence we fear that we're not interesting (although everyone is pretty interesting, in my opinion) or that we don't have the connection we thought we did with someone.  We want validation and connection and that's good.  What's not so good is trying to force the issue.  When we struggle to come up with something to say, we put a lot of pressure on ourselves.  Perhaps relaxing and letting thoughts come to us more naturally is a better approach.  And even if we find out that there's not a connection with someone, that is ok.  And so are we.

I will try to let conversation flow a little more naturally and see how that goes.  If we're ever in a conversation and I suddenly tell you "I might have a toenail fungus" or "I'm craving cheesecake" (and we're not in a foot clinic or restaurant, respectively), please be gentle and know that I'm trying a little too hard.  I have to learn to appreciate that sometimes silence is a far better choice than saying what's really on my mind.

JAHD

So Sad

I saw on the news last night the aftermath of landslides in BC.  They've devastated a small community and there may be some lives lost.  It is terrible.

One woman spoke about what she did once that slide had hit.  She got her three children out of their house safely.  She did not manage, however, to bring her baby's ashes.  They may be lost forever.  She said that she should have taken them.  Oh.

The thing that struck me was that this lovely young woman should not have a baby's ashes.  Why did she have to endure whatever events led to that sad outcome?  To me, that doesn't seem like what "should" have happened.  And yet she blames herself for not taking the ashes.  She managed to bring her three living children to safety.  She did so well.

I understand her regret.  I hope she manages to forgive herself though.  To my way of thinking, she "shouldn't" have to bring her baby's ashes - she should have another living child to help out of the house.  She has suffered already.  I hope she doesn't hurt herself with regret.

JAHD

Getting Out There

This week I experienced, again, what it is like to be new.  I started a job and I have to learn how to perform the tasks it entails.  There are things I don't know and sometimes I've struggled.  I know more now than I did when I started but I have things to learn and confidence to gain.  It hasn't felt good at times.  I believe, though, that it is good to be in this situation.  It seems better than the alternative.

It can be comfortable to stay in familiar situations.  We may not always be happy or fulfilled but, to quote Sheldon on The Big Bang Theory "It's called the comfort zone for a reason."  Moving outside it, though, we open ourselves to new possibilities.  We can't know what they are until we get outside that zone. 

By going outside my comfort zone, I have identified some of my weaknesses and strengths, I have learned about an interesting field of healing and I have come to appreciate being at home more when I'm not always here.  I have also spent no time being annoyed by how much time the man across the street here fusses with his yard so that's good.  (While he may waste time on his yard, the fact that I was keeping track of his activities didn't say great things about my time usage.)  And this is only a seemingly simple, part-time job and I've been there for three days.  What a difference a difference makes.

I don't pretend to know what people should do in their lives.  But I have some evidence that stepping out has benefits and opens us up to good things.  I could have stayed where I was and lived my life in the quiet way I was doing it.  I guess it would have been okay.  There is so much in life to experience, though, and I'm glad to be sampling more of it.  I guess someone else can keep an eye on my neighbour for a while.  As long as they report back to me once in a while, everything will be fine.

JAHD

To Experience Summer

I've been outside recently, in the beautiful summer weather, and felt like I get it.  I really understand that it's a shame to waste a beautiful season like this inside and especially unfortunate to spend any of it in front of the tv.  My family has put some effort into making our backyard space more comfortable this year and we've all had some fun in it.  Still, though, it's easy to end up back inside and let another summer go by.  I'm doing it right now.  Maybe it's habit.  In this climate, it's cold for a lot of the year and staying inside when it's cold makes sense to me.  I want to work on a new habit - to go outside and live life from a different perspective.   I don't know what the outcome of that effort will be and it surprises me that it seems like an effort to spend more time outside.  I will try to learn the outcome though.  There are only so many beautiful summer days and nights.  It's good to enjoy them.

JAHD   

On Papering Books

In looking through old decorating magazines the other day, I came across one with a lot of do-it-yourself projects.  I don't really do these projects - lists of supplies and the need for specific tools intimidate me - but I find some of them inspiring.  New ideas are nice.

One of the projects suggested was to "paper a book."  The idea was to cover a book with wallpaper.  Immediately a question arose in my mind:

Why?

The answer provided in this magazine is that doing so adds "a decorative finish."  I suppose it does.  I'm not sure, though, that I see the decorative benefit of wrapping books in wallpaper.  And are we supposed to wrap only one book or all books?  I can think of better usages of time than a lengthy session of book-wrapping.  Reading the books seems like a good one. 

I see a problem, too, when it's time to sell some older books at the second-hand store.  For some reason, I already have trouble selling many of my books.  I've never figured out why but I don't want to give the bookstore people more reasons to turn my books away -  "Oh, we can't take that one, it's had wallpaper on it.  And ugly wallpaper at that."  That might sting a little.  I don't know how I'd figure out which ones to sell anyways if they all had decorative covers. And if I wrote the names on them in black magic marker, they might not look so decorative.  Perhaps I should study calligraphy to make the project complete.

Some of these projects, done by the right people, probably turn out really well and are worthwhile.  To me, this one seems of questionable value and another one shown on this same page may be worse.  It is suggested that you glue rubber ducks all around a bathroom mirror.  I can't imagine when that would be good to have in a bathroom - when children are small they might try to climb up and pull down one of the ducks.  When they're bigger, they wouldn't want a rubber-duck themed mirror. 

In deciding whether to take on any of these DIY projects, it seems useful to me to consider whether the effort is really worth it.  For me, it's usually not.  Most likely I don't have enough old wallpaper, decorative or not, to cover a lot of books and our rubber duck supply is running low.  I do have a lot of old magazines though.  I wonder if there's something brilliant I can do with them.

JAHD